Obrando en la Viña: I decided this week to go on a diet...So I splurged and bought some cardboard cereal.:)

Reunion with Hna Mariscal, my trainer, at Consejo

I received GOLD this week in the form of letters from the sweetest young women at Laurel's Conference... I felt, as soon as I read them, that I needed to write this letter to them, so Sunset 4th Ward Young Women, please know how much I love you. Thank you for your faith, your example, and for all you do to serve the Lord. I thought about all that I would tell you if I was there--I would give you all a big hug, tell you all that I love you and that I've missed your smiling faces, and I would probably sit down with each one of you and share a few of the things that I've learned.

I LOVE being a missionary. This has been the best year and two months of my life. I hope every one of you who is thinking about it takes the leap and decides to go...and that those of you who aren't thinking about it start. A mission will change your life. It will change your eternity. And it will change you.

Life is a series of goodbyes. There are many kinds. There's the "see you later" kind...the "maybe someday we'll run into each other again," the one where we might if it's not too much trouble. There's the "see you soon" of good friends who have plans to do so...the "soon" because anything longer would simply be too long. There's the "until we meet" of the doubt that we ever will... The "farewell" of a broken-hearted lover, and the "take care" of a departing friend... The "goodbye" of a one last hug...the "until then" with its promise of forever.

The mission taught me to say goodbye. It taught me not to fear the loving for the fear of losing... I always lived in caution, but here I learned to breathe. I learned to hug much tighter and shake a hand much harder. I smile a little brighter... I learned the eye gleam of a happy heart and the down-cast gaze of an aching one. I learned to say "I love you"...and do what it takes to mean it. And I learned to trust in the Lord my goodbyes. Cuz you'll never learn to love if you choose to guard your heart. You'll never learn to love if you choose to fear the ending.

I learned to take risks on my mission. To overcome fear of rejection. To say "yes or no, it doesn't matter--I'm going to try it anyway." I learned that you've got to risk what's most preciouse to gain what matters more. That safe isn't better than happy and that love is ALWAYS worth the risk. I overcame my fear of opening my heart. It's easier sharing with everyone...and if they say "no," at least I will be better for it. I learned to defend my beliefs...and I learned how to jump. You'll never learn to swim if you never take the leap.

I learned to say, "I'm sorry." That it's better to be okay than to be right... That pride is the voice that doesn't ask forgiveness, and Christ's is the one that doesn't need to, but that always, always does. That we can't have the Spirit when there's contention; that we can't serve the Lord when there is... That even when it hurts, we should let them speak their side, because "I'm sorry" will always be better than "I'm right." And a grudge is NEVER worth losing over.

I learned that speaking is an art... That you should never go too fast. That it's just as important to listen as it is to love... Look them in the eye. Show them that they're worth it... Show them that you care. That you love them enough to HEAR them. I learned here to speak slowly and listen long... To choose wisely your words and choose peace before anger... That a bit of caution never hurt anybody, but a wisely chosen word can change a broken life. It can heal a broken heart.

I learned to HEAR on my mission. That silence is an art, like breathing--and that a well-placed silence can open hidden chambers of the soul... That you can never search too hard to find a good listener. They're far and few between...but they're worth it. This is a world drowning in people who just need someone to listen--who just need someone to HEAR them. My Father always hears my prayers... I learned to take the time to hear the prayers of others.

I learned how to lead on my mission, and I learned how to follow. That both are equally important. That we're not called to lead from in front or trail along behind, but He calls us to be a team, and sometimes He asks us to lead from behind...and sometimes He asks us to FOLLOW. And when He bids us follow Him...what could possibly be better? To follow is not to trail along in silence... It is sustain, support, encourage, and strengthen. It is the cheerleader and the backup. It is the second testimony. That in Christ's gospel, the leader and the follower walk side by side. They are a team, just as our Savior...He always, always walks with us.

I learned how to cry on my mission...and I learned how to HEAL. I learned how to let Him heal me...and how to ask Him to. I learned that, although I've never watched the blind receive their sight, He heals me every day... He heals the wounds of sin in me and takes away the scars...and every time I break, He puts me back together. I don't know how He does it, but I do know that He does.... and that is miracle enough for me. The Atonement is miracle enough for me. The Fall: Making perfect things imperfect since the beginning of time... Christ's Atonement is what puts them back perfect.

I learned how to FEEL on my mission. A depth of emotion I never even knew back at home... A thousand theater classes never taught me how to get it, but here, the Spirit did. I learned how to ache and to break and to fall right apart... And I learned how to sing...to smile so big that my porcelain mask falls off...to wet my eyes with tears of joy... I learned what it means to rejoice, and to marvel, and to stand all amazed. I learned what it is to see His touch in me, and the Spirit is a thousand depths of pure emotion I never experienced before. I learned how to feel on my mission.

Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye to characters you love... But sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's part of the plan. Sometimes it's part of the plot... We'll see them again a hundred pages from now...Quizás. And the beauty of it all is that there's "maybe"...

On Saturday, we left Mauricio. The Spirit said to do it, so we did. When He speaks, we can't say "no." We did our part...we gave him ALL we could. Perhaps right now is not his time. But it will be "Someday", it will be. I find strength in the Lord's plan for me. I know He loves, and I know He loves ALL of His children. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love like a brother...to a family who gave you their heart and asked you to keep it, but, three months later:

I learned how to TRUST on my mission. I learned how to let Him be right. I learned to say "I'm sorry" every time I fail, and I learned to let Him heal me. I learned to trust His plan. That I cannot control everything...and that even when I'd try, He loosens my grip on the bike handles and takes my whitened knuckls and reminds me that it all will be okay... Just to trust in His plan and His timing, and if that means saying "goodbye" to the characters we love...I trust in His plan, that I'll see them again; that, like Inkheart, they'll come alive in my life and not only live in the pages of my diary. Someday, Mauricio will make it. He got so close. We fought so hard for him.

But God loosened my grip on the bike handles. He helped me to say goodbye.

I learned how to brake on my mission (pun intended)...But He always heals me. And I learned how to feel. I learned how to love.

Life is a series of goodbyes. There's the goodbye we say when we ask them to leave...and the one that they say when the ask us to. But there's also the "someday"...and the bitter-sweet risk. And the promise that the heart never ends, even when the distance does. There's the "see you soon" of friends with faraway plans...the "see you later" of friends without.

But the concept remains the same.

In the words of President Uchtdorf, we are not made for endings. We are made of the stuff of eternity.

So we wait. And we trust. That is this glorious gospel, no ending is ever final.

And no goodbye...will ever be "The End."

I love you!
Hermana Sanford