Ice cubes

Life is the quest to become something.

We go to school to become a doctor, or a lawyer, or an astronaut… We leave home with high hopes, banking on the promise of adventure.

I know, because I did. That’s exactly what I did.

We go on a mission because we want to do something amazing… Maybe we want to serve the Lord, or we want to share the gospel, or we want to leave our home. Maybe we go to reach goals, or because we expect it of ourselves. Or they expect it of us.

It doesn’t matter the reason.

We go on a mission because we want to do something.

But I have come to realize that we would hit a lot closer to the mark if we had all decided to serve a mission because we wanted to BECOME something.

Because the prospect of becoming something wonderful motivated us to take a step of faith.

Because we desired to be a little more like the Savior.


I can honestly say that I decided to serve a mission because I wanted to do something incredible. I wanted to leave a mark somewhere…change some lives…make a difference…

But now that this journey called Full Time Mission has come to a close, I only find myself looking back and hoping with all my heart that I’ve become something that’s worth it.

Life is the quest to become something.

Conversion is that process of becoming.


All my life, I heard people I looked up to stand up and say, “I’m converted. I’m converted to this gospel. I know without a doubt that it is true.” And I never understood what that meant… What does it mean to be ‘converted’? Have I been converted? Am I converted?

When I think of conversion, all I see is ice cubes.

When I left, my heart was like an ice cube. Full of good intentions, but nineteen years hard and stony. I was set in my ways…and just a little stubborn. Under the hot summer sun, God melted my ice cube and hacked away at the edges with a pick ax. I ended, a puddle on the simmering ground. The asphalt licked my droplets. And I wept… What had happened to my ice cube?

But then came the icy winds of winter. Then came the cold nights and colder days… The gray skies and empty shadows and heavy clouds, dripping with weeping and mourning and wondering why. And I put my little puddle outside the front door. I let it drip through my fingers. And the ice skies…they began to freeze my ice cube.

It came out a little squarer this time, a little more like it should have. A little more the ice sculpture that I always dreamed for myself. A tiny bit more beautiful. I stood back 9 months later to look at that ice cube, and I saw it. I finally saw it for what it was. I finally saw me for what I am.

And I marvel.

My ice cube still is rough at the edges. I do not doubt but that He will melt me many times more and put me back together. I will go many times to the freezer, and many more times to the sun. But it doesn’t matter. Because I finally understand what the word means: “Conversion.”

Conversion is a literal change of state. A change of temporal state…and a change of spiritual state.

I give thanks for my ice cube. But even more, I give thanks for my puddle. I give thanks for the conversion—the change of spiritual state—that has taken place in me. I thank God for the times He has broken me down and melted me, because I know that He is crafting a beautiful ice sculpture in me.


I went on my mission an ice cube, but I came home changed.

And I hope that someday when I finally make it Home, I will make it there converted.

Conversion is our process of becoming like the Savior. I pray that every day He continues to melt my ice cube.


Adiós!
Hermana Sanford


Chau Ovalle!

Chau Emely

Chau Junior--mi hermanito chileno preferido

Manuel y Seba, mi amigos chilenos

Chau Los Mirandas

I'm leaving Chile in 2 days! 

Farewell Ovalle!

Chau Quillota!

Hna Hatch, my travel companion for the day.

Chau Victor y Maria--mi familia de milagros

When you accidentally miss the right bus stop,
you don't stress, but just hop on another bus
to get back. Grateful the last 18 months helped
you conquer your fear of public transportation.

Look Hna Hansen! El Belloto really does exist ;)

Chau Chorrillos!

Chau Herminia--mi preferida de Chorrillos

Chau Hna Kessler--mi compañera bajita 

companionship love ;)

Chau Nora

Chau Ana y Antonia

Chau Perla--mi amiga mejor

Chau Loreto y Diego

Chau Viña!

Fun in Ovalle, Finally: Final zone activity and last p-day in Ovalle

Hnas Sanford & Andrade, Elder Cluff, Elder Gutierrez, and Hna Forste
Ovalle zone activity at Valle del Encanto

una champ  ;)

P-day futból game with ZLs--Elders Call and Gutierrez

Futból selfie with Elder Gutierrez, our ZL

Valle del Encanto--
an archaeological monument in Ovalle

Archaeological remnants

Ovalle zone picnic

Elder Gutierrez

Morgan said that climbing over these boulders and
rocks was the scariest. most difficult, and nerve
wracking thing she's ever done. She was grateful for
the experience but completely worn out afterwards

More boulders they had to climb over

Climbing in the slots between the boulders

Best district ever--Ovalle, Chile

Farewell party for the Cluffs and Hna Sanford

Because FALL.

Daniela, a recent convert of Hnas Hughes and Aranda, in the Limarí branch

"For it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard; wherefore ye shall clear away the bad according as the good shall grow, that the root and the top may be equal in strength, until the good shall overcome the bad, and the bad be hewn down and cast into the fire, that they cumber not the ground of my vineyard; and thus will I sweep away the bad out of my vineyard." (Jacob 5:66)


The fall of Adam created the natural man. It worked like a charm. And we began to be born into the world--fallen, wicked creatures. Not of any fault of our own; simply because that's the way things were.

So God gave Adam a very special commandment. A new law. The law of sacrifice. To sacrifice the firstlings of his flocks, the firstfruits of his fields.

"And he gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord.

"And after many days an angel of the Lord appeared unto Adam, saying: Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord?"

Why?

"And Adam said unto him: I know not, save the Lord commanded me." (Moses 5)

And thus, Adam left behind a little piece of his natural man, choosing to obey the Lord without question rather than get hung up on the "why" of His commandments. He put a piece of his natural man on the altar, and God replaced it with a little more faith. A little more obedience.

He had come to understand the Savior's atoning sacrifice. He was ready to be the father of nations.


Abraham prayed all his life for a son. He and Sarah were stricken in years when he came. Isaac was God's miracle. He was the answer to prayers.

"And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

 "And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of."

Abraham was so righteous. He was God's prophet. So why would a Father who loves us command him to sacrifice his only son?

But Ahraman didn't ask why. He didn't question. He simply went and did.

"And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him." (Genesis 22)

Abraham chose faith over fear. He chose the will of God over his own will. He demonstrated in action that his love for God was greater than even his love for his own son. He put his son on the sacrificial altar...the firstfruits of his loins...and God made him a little more holy. He made him a little more godly.

The Lord stopped his hand and made him sacred covenants.

He had come to understand the Savior's atoning sacrifice. He was ready to be the father of nations.


 "And then the angel spake, saying: This thing is a similitude of the sacrifice of the Only Begotten of the Father, which is full of grace and truth."


We are a whole lot of trees. We were born into this world fallen and carnal. We are the natural man. A whole lot of trees in a carnal, fallen forest.

But the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam. And he will be forever... We natural men and women cannot return to the presence of God. We cannot be saved in this lost and fallen and imperfect state.

So what did He do to make us perfect? What did He do to make us holy?

He gave His own life (Mosiah 3:19), and then He gave us the law of sacrifice.


Every time God asks us to sacrifice, we lay down part of our natural man.
A pair of jealous eyes...
A pair of lying lips...
A couple of rebellious thoughts...
A hand full of disobedient fingers...

And when the fire consumes them, our eyes, our lips, our thoughts, and our fingers are purified. They become something a little more holy. The fire washes away the impurity and sin...

Jacob 5 is a parable of vineyards and an awful lot of trees. But it is also a parable of sacrifice. Of the role of sacrifice in allowing us to become...

"For it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard...

"Wherefore ye shall clear away the bad according as the good shall grow..."

As we give up our nature so He can replace it with goodness...

"That the root and the top may be equal in strength..."

So we sacrifice and sacrifice until we reach 50/50...

"Until the good shall overcome the bad..."

And then we sacrifice some more until we reach 90/10...

"And the bad be hewn down and cast into the fire..."

Until the purifying fire of our sacrificial altar casts away all impurity...

"That they cumber not the ground of my vineyard..."

Because there is no room for sin in our spirits--we are children of GOD...

"and thus (by sacrifice) will I sweep away the bad out of my vineyard."


Every time we pay tithing...every time we lay down our sins and pour out our hearts and repent...every time we forgive or we love or give a little more for our calling... Every time we help a child to read the scriptures or we tell our mom we love her or we call Grandma just to see how she's doing. Every time we choose to forgive rather than be offended. Every time we choose to hug rather than hitting or yelling... Every time we put our nature on the altar, He is making something more out of us.

God cannot change us unless we choose to sacrifice our will.

Unless we watch the flames consume it.

Unless we let Him have our all.

But if we sacrifice to love Him...if we give our all to know Him...

We will reach 50/50. We will reach 90/10. We will sacrifice the bad, and He'll replace it with the good. Until the good shall overcome the bad, until we all reach our potential...until we have driven the bad from our vineyard.

The fall of Adam created the natural man.
But we are NOT natural men.
We are children of God.

And He is hewing down our vineyards...

...So He can build celestial forests.

I know that,
Because He's been doing it for a year and a half within ME.


I love you all, dear family and friends.
Thank you ALL for your support throughout this time in the mission...
I'm excited to leave a little of my natural woman behind with my HEART here in Chile. I look forward to hugging you all soon.:)

I LOVE YOU!

JOHN! He came to church in a SUIT! 

Jonathan came to church yesterday! He is Hna Oliva's
convert who we've been trying to help reactivate

Lunch appointment

"Nunca me voy a casar con estos fideos..."

When I was 6 or 7 years old, my mom signed me up for AYSO soccer. She was thrilled. I was not. "I am not a sports person," I said to my little-girl self. "I am no good at soccer."

For four or five years, I went to practices every Tuesday and games every Saturday morning, and I ate the always oranges at half-time and the always capri sun and rice krispy treat when we finished... The high fives to the other team whether we won or they did...
And I got real pro at the whole AYSO Saturday soccer thing. I even got hit in the face with the ball a couple of times. But I never got better at soccer.

After four or five years of playing EVERY Saturday and tying up my cleats and putting on my jersey, I never got better at soccer.

Why?

Because I didn't try.

And truth be told...because I didn't want to.

When I'd decided to give up and asked my mom to let me quit AYSO, I was still the girl that just followed the group around, not ever wanting to touch the ball or even try to make a shot. I was too afraid of messing up to even let myself try.

So I quit! And I never played soccer again.

Never again.

When I came on my mission, I asked Heavenly Father to please mold me and change me and make me a better person. To please fix the weaknesses in me... I promised Him in the temple that I would give all of me in order to make those changes possible. In order to make those weaknesses strengths.

Well, it may seem small for all y'alls...but for me, the work He's been doing these last 18 months has been quite miraculous.


On Saturday, we went to the baptism of the sweetest little 8 year old boy in a small, rural branch. It was beautiful. Hna Andrade and I went outside to take a few pictures, and Bastian pulled out his socer ball. (You'd think we were in Chile or something :)) Elder Call started to play with him, and Hna Andrade started to play with him. And I just stood there watching, because that's all I've ever done these past 11 years of my life. But Elder Gutierrez said, "Hermana, come on! Come and play with us!"

So I gathered up my courage...and I did.

Dear family. You don't have to believe me, because I probably wouldn't either, but it's the truth.
For the first time in 11 years, I played soccer.

And I made passes, and I dribbled the ball, and I scored GOALS. And I wasn't even afraid of the ball, and I wasn't even embarrassed. And in the end, Bastian, Hna Andrade, and I beat the Zone Leaders.

Our team won the soccer game.

It may seem like a tiny change...but I saw it as the perfect way to sum up my mission. He gave a scaredy cat confidence. I'm no longer afraid of everything...

I'm not even afraid to play sports. And that's saying something.

I thanked Him a thousand times in my heart and in my nightly prayers. My comp and I are dressed and ready to go play soccer again this afternoon. And I am super excited.


Manuel spent the last 5 or 6 years denying the existence of God. But every time he said it, he felt a little more sadness inside. He couldn't find true happiness in choosing not to believe in Heavenly Father...

But even though he denied Him, that loving Heavenly Father guided him right to Ovalle. He wasn't planning on staying. He was only coming to visit his dad and his grandma and to sort out a few medical problems, and then he planned to head back. But when he got here, Policarpio (like the good missionary he is) invited him to Church. And that's where he met the missionaries.

He was prideful at the beginning, he said, and skeptical. He didn't want to read the Book of Mormon, and he refused to pray about it. He refused to pray period. Until one day the Lord broke him down the rest of the way, and he did it. He prayed. And the Spirit he felt that night changed him forever. Since that moment, he's never looked back. He realized that there's so much to know, and he's never once tried to deny that hunger to keep learning. He just keeps feeding it. He just keeps learning. He just keeps searching for more and more knowledge and answers... We filled his teaching record. We taught him everything he needed to know--for now, at least. And then we invited him to be baptized, for the hundredth (but not quite) time.

"Manuel, will you follow the example of Jesus Christ and be baptized by one who holds the priesthood authority of God?"...

Silence.

"Yes. I will."

Manuel returned last weekend from Santiago. He dressed himself in white and was baptized yesterday. As he came up out of the water, I saw tears in his eyes. I couldn't hold back mine.
He bore his testimony and testified of the truthfulness of this gospel--of a loving Savior--who llenó su vida de luz. And he couldn't stop smiling. It's been a long time since I saw anyone SO happy and pure... God has incredible things in store for Manuel. I know He's got a perfect plan for him.


And so I realized.
Covenants, like those we make when we are baptized, or like the sacred promises we make with God in the temple?

They are the things that help us progress.
They are the things that help us to change.

Covenants are the means by which we can change and the promises that motivate us to be better.

Manuel promised his Father in Heaven to change his life and follow Christ in all of the decisions that he makes. In return, God forgave him ALL his sins, and gave him the chance to start again, He gave him the chance to change. And in His promises, Manuel can find the hope and the motivation necessary to strive every day to better. Yesterday was the first of a lifetime of changes. And it was a beautiful one.:)


I promised my Father in Heaven in the temple that I would give Him my all... And I'm REALLY not perfect, but I really am trying. I hope one day I'll finally get it, But for now, and even just for my efforts, He's blessing me by changing me. I played soccer on Saturday. And I hope I'm so very different... I hope when I see my family again, they'll see a girl who's a little different.

And I hope one day when I make it Home, with a backpack of covenants that I strove ALL my life to keep... That He'll see me, and He'll know me, and He'll welcome me Home with open arms. I hope He'll be proud of the changes that have taken place in me... I hope He'll be proud of the changes that He's made in me.

And I'll smile to myself and I'll know that those changes? They're all thanks to the covenants.

This life is the time for the covenants.:)


I love you all! Go to the temple or somethin´.:)  (Go and help someone else that's still waiting to make those covenants! Go for me because I can't! Ha:))
Until next week!:)
Hermanita Sanford:)

Manuel, his dad & aunt, Elders Passos & Santa Ana, & us

Manuel and his family with Pres. and Hna Diaz

Manuel and his family before his baptism

Pres. and Sister Alder are currently serving as
Santiago Chile Temple president and matron.
He was one of the first 4 missionaries to
serve in Ovalle

Pres. and Sister Alder with Ovalle missionaries

PILAR! I love her so MUCH! She's the best.:)

Emely, a recent convert

Ovalle Hermanas with Hna Diaz

Mi compañera

with Elder Cluff, Emely, & Hna Andrade

Our friend Victor Suarez, a member of the branch

With Pilar at Manuel's baptism

Hna Zaida! She's a recent convert and an ANGEL.:)

Compañera selfie

With Hna Andrade and Elder Gutierrez, our ZL

Attending a baptism at the river

Bastien, our little fútbol friend

Our team won the soccer game!!

Look it's Titanic!! ♫ My heart will go on and on...... ♫ 

Pretty...... post-fútbol game selfie ;)

I love that she sent actual video footage of the fútbol game with Bastien as proof that it really did happen. :)

Manuel's happiness is quite evident after his baptism :)