Obrando en la Viña: No Sea Porfiado

Another reminder of Dad

I've been afraid of the tenth transfer for the last 12 months of my life.
Cambio 10: Patience.

You never, ever, ever pray for patience.
I did it. I prayed for patience. I prayed for patience in the CCM, and I came down with the worst cold I have ever had. I prayed for patience and ended up with shin splints. I learned an important lesson. You never pray for patience.

Cambio 10: Patience.

I've wondered for the last few transfers what in the world the "patience" transfer would have in store for me. A hard companion, a difficult area, health problems...problems back home... But Heavenly Father never fails to surprise me in the infinitely wise way that He chooses to teach me, and these last 2 weeks, I've found myself learning patience from an angle that I never anticipated I would. I am grateful for a perfect Father with a perfect eternal perspective and a perfect, eternal plan. I trust in Him and in His timing.

Ever since I met Mauricio, our lessons with him have been highlighted by the strange and strong sensation that I know him really, really well... That I knew him before this life... That I promised him that I would find him here and try to teach him the gospel. Missions are one of the ways that God helps us keep our promises, and I know that for him, I am here in Viña. I had written that realization multiple times in my journal as it began to dawn on me, but then I felt strongly on Tuesday night to share that with Mauricio himself. As I did so, the Spirit confirmed to both of us that it was true.

Five years ago, Mauricio changed from being a Catholic missionary to not believing in God. In his 23 years of life, he thinks he knows everything. He is a gifted medic, and those gifts lead him to the conclusion that he can do everything on his own--that he doesn't even need a God.

Over the course of the last 2 months that we've known him and have been trying to teach him, he's come a long way. He, for a few of those weeks, studied intently the Book of Mormon, marking and highlighting and asking question after question after question. Then he got tired. He asked God--he asked God for a sign...
But God didn't answer.

"I give up," he said.
"You can't give up," we said.
"I'll never pray again," he said.

I pray for him every single night. I have to keep my promise.

This is prayer, we taught him. This is the Spirit. You can't ask God for signs,
"Will you come to church with us tomorrow?"
"No."

But he always comes downstairs. He always brings his Book of Mormon and a swirling head full of questions. And Heavenly Father has got our back. He helps us teach a stubborn child who so badly wants to know but is so scared to. Who is so scared to feel the Spirit or to feel anything at all. When he's moved to tears, he shuts down. But our Father gives us the words to say, and we open our mouths and power comes out. I know, because I see it touch him. Only a perfect Father could know how to tutor so perfectly His stubborn child.

And I'm not afraid to cry in front of Him.

"I'll pray one last time. But it's the last time..."

"How did He answer you, Mauricio?"
"I don't know. It hasn't come yet."

I plead with my Father in a way I have never pleaded before. My heart bleeds as I do.
Please help me keep my promise. Please help me keep my promise. Please answer Your son.

Patience, He whispers to me. Patience.

I cannot sleep for praying.

"The Hope of God's Light." That's me! he says. We know, we say.

"Mauricio, we have prayed for you for days. Heavenly Father answered us.
Will you fast with us tomorrow, like the man in the video? We promise that if you do, you will receive your answer."

...He chooses not to fast. He bails out on coming to church, even though he promised he would. He makes other plans and doesn't come to the devotional.

I heard his answer a thousand times yesterday. I felt his answer a thousand times yesterday. If he had put himself in the place where he could hear it, he would have heard it, too.

I prayed with all my heart. I didn't allow my faith to fail me. I listened to the talks and the testimonies and the beautiful music and pleaded with Heavenly Father to help him get there soon.

Please help me keep my promise.

A wise and loving Father wrapped His arm around me the way that only a Father can and whispered in my ear,
"Patience is accepting and respecting the agency of others."

A thousand images flashed through my mind of a stubborn me, who makes wrong choices and messes up a thousand times a day. A stubborn me who must have pleaded a thousand times for answers, but who blindly refused to put myself in the place where I could have heard them.
He is a perfect Father...and He is perfectly patient with His children. He accepts and respects our agency.

I can only imagine how hard that must be for Him sometimes. I know how hard that has been for me. He only wants what's best for us. And he pleads with us to choose the right. He even sends the Spirit to help us do so.

But every time we choose to disobey Him or to think we know more than He does...
He is perfectly patient with His perfectly imperfect, stubborn children.
He posseses the eternal perspective that we so often seem to lack.
He is our Father, and He knows what's best.

If I could give Mauricio my testimony, I would. If I could give him all the sleepless nights and the pleading prayers and the falling tears of a broken heart, I would. I would gift to him the thousand heavenly hugs stored up in the memories of the thousand times that a Heavenly Father reached down to hold and comfort a struggling and doubting me. I would do it because I love him with a brotherly love that extends into the premortal life. I would do it so that he wouldn't have to struggle so much in finding his own.

But you cannot share a testimony. You cannot give away heavenly hugs.

I was scared for Cambio #10. Patience.

Patience means accepting and respecting the agency of others. It is loving them anyway.

He always chooses to teach in a way that astounds me.

"Father...please help me keep my promise."

"Patience, hijita."

I love you all! Please pray for Mauricio! And have a wonderful week! :D

Con todo mi amor,
Hermana Sanford